Jessica Osborn [00:00:00]:
You're listening to she's the business podcast. Did you know that today's scientists estimate that 95% of our brain's activity is done by the subconscious brain, which means that we're running on autopilot 95% of the time? That means our habits, our thought patterns, all of the things that we commonly have are really what's running us day to day, minute to minute, second to second. So just imagine, like, if you're feeling stuck in your business, or like you're going much slower than you thought you would. Well, it's probably not that surprising when we now reflect that 95% of our actions, decisions and activities are being driven by this pre programmed brain that's functioning on what already exists there. So, well, what can we do about it, and how can we start to shift that? Well, today's episode is diving right into what's really going on in your brain, happening there, what we can do about it, and also how to take those first steps. So stay tuned. It's coming right up. Hi, I'm your host, Jessica Osborne.
Jessica Osborn [00:01:13]:
And in my 23 years of business and marketing, I've built many brands to become multi billion dollar companies. And just in the last ten years, I built two online businesses of my own. From my dining room table with two little babies running around at my feet, I've made it my mission to inspire you to get out of your own way and become the successful business owner who's living the lifestyle you really desire without all the hustle. This is. She's the business podcast made by women for women. This is your weekly dose of motivation and inspiration. I can't wait to introduce you to my amazing guest today, who is doctor Alex Goldin. Now, Alex and I know each other from a business membership that we're part of, and she is just such an inspiring, incredible person.
Jessica Osborn [00:02:08]:
She is a qualified medical doctor, a GP, although really nothing about her is what you would classify as your usual GP. She is the co founder of Zesty and the Becoming Zesty podcast. She trains, coaches, practitioners and leaders with the tools that they need for faster inner transformation without fighting themselves along the way. And this is done through functional NLP, which is a version of NLP that Doctor Alex and her co founder, Megan Blacksmith, have really created themselves to lead the way in not just word and language based, but also with emotional reprogramming in the body. It is that combination of the principles of NLP, functional medicine and compassionate coaching. So I know that you're going to have so much insight and clarity from this really amazing discussion that I have with Doctor Alex today and stay there till the end because she has a really special, such a generous gift for you as well. So make sure that you stay with us to the end of the episode, and please make use of her generosity. It is absolutely incredible.
Jessica Osborn [00:03:25]:
So thank you so much. And without further ado, let me play this interview for you. All right. I'm here with Doctor Alex Goldin of Zesty. Alex, welcome to the podcast. So awesome to talk to you today.
Alex Golden [00:03:40]:
Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.
Jessica Osborn [00:03:43]:
Yeah, I really looking forward to this chat. I think this is the first time we've actually talked about NLP here on the podcast, and I'm coming up to 200 episodes. I'm like, this is definitely high time that we had this conversation. So thank you for being here and bringing it to us.
Alex Golden [00:03:59]:
Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Well, that makes us happy. Anytime that we can intro a group of people to the power of what we do is really exciting for us. So thank you so much for the opportunity.
Jessica Osborn [00:04:14]:
Yes. So please let us know. Tell us a bit about Zesty. What is it that you do? Who do you help? And you have a co founder as well, Megan, who's not here with us today. But, yeah, tell us a bit more about your business.
Alex Golden [00:04:30]:
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So, yep, collectively, we're called Zesty. Or if you follow us, you know, on Instagram or anything like that, it's becoming zesty. And really, the art of living Zesty is the art of living authentically as yourself and understanding what it looks like to create a ripple effect of goodness in the world. And so, really, we help leaders transform themselves faster and to help other people change and transform faster out in the world. So, as you all probably know, there's tons of people who can help you in the transformation space. Really, our magic lies in how comprehensively we do it, in that we don't leave any part of you out. And from what we've seen, that is quite rare when it's the death at which we do it at.
Alex Golden [00:05:26]:
And then bringing all of ourselves together means that we don't have to fight ourselves. Right. That's part of moving fast, is actually knowing how to get in congruence and in alignment with all of who you are instead of what most of us are doing, is that we say we want to have reach certain goals, be a certain person, and then we're frustrated because we're not getting there. We don't feel like we're doing the stuff we say we want to do, certain habits we don't do them. We will say, we don't want to do that one thing. We find ourselves doing it. And round and round we go of feeling like, you know, people say stuff like, well, know yourself. But that's the whole thing.
Alex Golden [00:06:10]:
They never tell you how. And so we work with leaders, right? Yeah. And you're like, okay. And that used to be a big thing. Like, for me personally, it was just such a big thing as. As an MD, as a human walking around, I was like, I want to do what you're saying, but I have no idea what that means. Right. I know my heart is in the right place.
Alex Golden [00:06:32]:
My spirit knows I came here for the purpose of helping people. But how do I work with me and me, to actually get there and get the results that we're going for? And so that's where, with what we do at zesty, is really work with the leaders of the world. Now, what's interesting is that we have a lot of preconceived notions on what leaders look like. And what we have found in doing this work for over a decade is that leaders come in all shapes and sizes, and they have different purposes. So we work with leaders who are leaders in their homes. We work with leaders who are leaders in multimillion dollar companies. It does is not defined by the space in which we create the ripple effect, but rather who we are being and what imprint we create in the world. What's the pebble that drops into the lake to create the ripple effect? That's who we work with.
Alex Golden [00:07:33]:
Because we know if we can help powerful leaders who have the best interest of humanity in mind, that is how we're all going to stop looking around waiting for somebody else to come save the planet. Right? So often in society, we're talking about what's wrong and how there's lots of division and hate and lack of movement, and can you believe what they're doing in charge? But at the end of the day, it comes down to each individual person saying, what am I willing to do about it? What am I going to actually be committed to and show up for? And what does that look like? And so that's what we do. It's a tall order. Obviously, we will spend our lifetimes doing it, but we've made a lot of progress so far, and we're just getting started. So that's a little bit about us.
Jessica Osborn [00:08:26]:
Yeah, it's incredible. I have two things. I think it really resonated with me when you said to stop fighting ourselves. And I think anybody who's gone into definitely an entrepreneurial journey. You probably feel it more than anything because you start to realize how much you really are fighting yourself. And now with this insight, you know, you can look back and go, I've actually been doing that my whole life. I just didn't know it before now. It's so clear.
Jessica Osborn [00:08:54]:
But, yeah, that is. That's insane. And why do we do that to ourselves? How do we stop fighting ourselves?
Alex Golden [00:09:05]:
Yeah, two really, really important questions. Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, when, why does it happen? Well, it's worthwhile to consider it because part of the fighting ourselves is so often then manifested as when we talk about the four bodies here at Zesty. We're talking about things like, how does it manifest, you know, the mind. We can have thoughts directed towards ourselves and towards what we do that are harmful. There can be negative emotions that become our emotional home because they're not processed. They're not used as the fodder for the emotional compass, so to speak. Like, we're not using our emotions to make decisions.
Alex Golden [00:09:53]:
And what all that means and all that part, we haven't had that discussion as a society yet. We're fingers crossed we're right around the corner, and obviously we're working towards that right now. The spirit, what does your spirit say? What does your physical body do? Like, you want to move, but is your butt glued to your chair? And why? Is it because it's not in alignment? Or do you have some insecurities or wounding all of those things then essentially create an atmosphere of, we need to find unity across all four bodies. And the thing is, is that there's very valid things that have happened to us in the past. Conditioning programming experiences, traumas, physical body events, all of them begin to add up. To say, we come to this planet as a powerful being. We forget who we are. Then we go into an environment where you're not old enough to have mental and psychological defenses against being programmed and conditioned with ideas like, you're not good enough.
Alex Golden [00:11:05]:
Money's hard to come by. Life is hard. All that jazz. I don't know if any of y'all grew up with that, but I sure did. And by the time you even realize what's up as an adult, you've gotten programmed by it already. So isn't that a doozy? You know? So when we find ourselves fighting with ourselves, when we find ourselves at odds and saying, I don't understand how to do this, I believe the disease desires in my heart, but how do I actually get there? If you find that hard, good. You're in good company. Because if you just listen to that and.
Alex Golden [00:11:39]:
And it sounded like that would be hard. It's because it is. It's not something that we can. And that's where Megan and I, you know, as parents and things from a parent standpoint and parental figures, we are. We always ask, right. When we are in the business of helping people transform as leaders, that also extends to things like our kids. Right. And do we hope to aim towards a life where our kids don't need therapy? Right.
Alex Golden [00:12:13]:
And that's where we can say, huh, what if this process of conditioning to the world and then needing to deconditioning is how you figure out who you are? What if nothing has necessarily gone wrong there? Like, what if we didn't need to feel guilt and shame? But to say it's kind of like learning English. English is not my first language. But when I learned is, like, I had to learn the rules. Then later I wrote poetry.
Jessica Osborn [00:12:43]:
Yeah.
Alex Golden [00:12:44]:
And it's the same thing. I needed to learn how to human like. Right?
Jessica Osborn [00:12:48]:
If.
Alex Golden [00:12:48]:
If I kept acting the way that I did as a two year old, no one would want to work with me. Right? Like, that just wouldn't happen. Instead, I had to learn how to actively. I became a people pleaser. I became a say yes to everything. I became the chasing the girl status. I became the perfectionist. And of course, that unlearning, that hurt.
Alex Golden [00:13:14]:
But it was useful. And that's the whole piece, is that a lot of times we are adding judgment to ourselves, because we're not. No one's really explained to us how this place works. Like, what are the mechanics of putting life together? How do you take all of what makes you you and translate that to living, making decision, and getting the results you want in life? So that's where I think it actually is good that it works that way, that the mechanics are that you learn the rules, you learn how to play by them, then you unlearn playing by them. And so leaders are in a unique position, and that a lot of times, whether we elected to or not, we could be good at the rules. Right? Like, I had to be good at rules to go to med school. I had to be good at the rules when I was in my training, I had to be good at, you know, all that stuff is true. But then to unlearn that, that's where I had to say, I don't have the career other doctors do.
Alex Golden [00:14:19]:
I do not have the life that other parents or step parents or anybody has. Mine is unique. And so often I find myself getting swept up in, oh, gosh, is it okay that I'm like this? And so then it's different to the.
Jessica Osborn [00:14:42]:
Rules, but then you question it. Is it right?
Alex Golden [00:14:45]:
Yeah. Can I really do this? Am I allowed to? What if this all goes to hell? Because I, you know, that's why no one does it. You got, at some point, it becomes, oh, wow, if I actually am the person to live my dreams, then I also am the person to take full responsibility for everything that happens. Right? And so when I'm scared of, ooh, can I really do this? I need to be resourced to handle that. Or so often our subconscious mind will sort of fill in the gaps of where we don't have understanding or we don't have resources, sources, and we will fire off the previous conditioning, because really, for the brain, there are two main functions that it thinks it has, right? We can. We can program it really with anything. But as far as it's concerned, it's got two things, survival and efficiency. And they're not unrelated, right? If you had to learn how to cross the street every single day anew, well, then there'd be a lot more people getting hit by cars.
Alex Golden [00:15:50]:
So not very good for survival. You get efficient at stuff. And so here's the problem. The brain takes to efficiency everything you program it. So just because it worked for you in the past doesn't mean that it's not. And now it no longer works for you. Doesn't mean that your brain has the settings automatically to invite you to stop that, right? It's just not. Our central nervous system physically is not designed for getting you out of your comfort zone, getting soul expansion, getting growth, being uncomfortable in new spaces, and to achieve new levels, up leveling things, you name it, it's not for that.
Alex Golden [00:16:37]:
So when leaders are like, but this feels hard, or, I have a lot of fear, so often that's where they need to understand how it's working. Because if our brain says, well, I'm a. If I'm going to be efficient at something, as leaders, we have to be very cognizant and diligent to decide, what are we then going to program ourselves with? Are we the one doing it? And are we really acting out of free agency? Right. When we act out of our traumas or wounding all of that, in some ways, we can't really say we're living out of free will, so to speak.
Jessica Osborn [00:17:18]:
Yeah.
Alex Golden [00:17:19]:
Right. If you have a knee jerk reaction, then you didn't get to decide. It's hard being a leader when you. But here's the thing, that to me, the system is designed so that leaders struggle with the things that then help them as they overcome them. They are stronger leaders. So it's literally designed to perpetuate success, not failure. But if it doesn't always look like that on the surface. And that's where, for Megan and I just personally, as business owners, we have a standing understanding.
Alex Golden [00:17:55]:
We invest in self development and our growth quarterly as a non negotiable, does not matter what we have in our bank account years ago, we always tell the story. We were making 60 grand as a business at the time. So that's, you know, you have to pay us, which we weren't taking home alive, but that's paying for everything, to run everything, all expenses, all, everybody, right? And here I come. I found a mastermind for 30 grand, and I said, megan, we got to do this. I can't, I can't have another year. Like, you know, we're working really hard. Nothing's really happening. And it was obviously very scary because that was all proposition.
Alex Golden [00:18:32]:
But when we forexed the next year and then three x again and three x again, year after year, then that's where we began to understand, huh? What if leaders aren't meant to operate from circumstances as such? The same way I'm not meant to operate from my starting conditioning point. Since I didn't, since I didn't decide it, I do gotta start it. But what, what happens next, what I take it to, what, what I morph that into is completely up to me. And so it becomes a really fun way of interacting with ourselves. And that's why we're always getting to do new programs. We worked with this amazing psychology of voice person recently with intimacy coaches that's coming up, all sorts of stuff, because we really understand everything in any way that we can become more in alignment with who we say we are, the faster we can get what we want, as in results, and the faster we will continue that ripple effect out in the world. So for us, no matter what's happening, that's kind of where we're saying we lead the charge. We lead ourselves and we lead it fast, because every, for so many business owners, you know, they're like, let me get this back, let me get my program better, let me fix this website again, and then I'll go.
Alex Golden [00:20:05]:
And they don't necessarily think that there's anything bad happening. Like there's a consequence to waiting or to perfectionism, because most people are like, yeah, it'll be good. Then I'll put it out. But if that means that you're going to bed day after day after day after day going, I want to help people and I'm not doing it, and your brain knows it and you're in it, that is just day after day after day of evidence that you're creating efficiently that says, I'm not the person that says I am. And so there's real consequences that come from that. And so for us, this whole, you know, don't worry about being resourced. Just have patience. It'll happen.
Alex Golden [00:20:49]:
That's cool. I mean, if someone wants to do that, that's awesome. But at the end of the day, there's also, there's ramifications for going slow and not getting the results that you want. So really, for us, we would rather someone just get the resources and be moving, creating new evidence for themselves of success, because success is going to get more success, and we know that. So that's really where, where we're attempting to get as many leaders, too, so that this whole thing can blow up in the world. Like, we all know the world desperately needs help. Right? We. That's not used to anyone.
Jessica Osborn [00:21:30]:
No. That's amazing. There's just so much that you said, that's incredible. Like, I was thinking, you know, it makes so much sense that we're operating from what seems to be logic, but that is what's been programmed in our brains. And, you know, I really understood when you said, because it's been programmed in, then that is what our brain is now finding the most efficient. So that's how we're operating. And anytime you're then trying to go, let's deviate, like, shift that path. The brain's going, no, no, no.
Jessica Osborn [00:22:02]:
I've built this path.
Alex Golden [00:22:03]:
This is the road.
Jessica Osborn [00:22:04]:
This is the efficient way. And so it really makes so much sense as to when you start doing this work, why it feels hard, why it feels so uncomfortable, and why it probably feels like you're getting nowhere at first, because you're just like. And the brain's like grinding gears and like, no, I'm not in that other gear. And whatever's going on, like, I really felt that absolutely.
Alex Golden [00:22:28]:
That loss of efficiency is like a blinking red light that's like, alert, alert, alert. I'm losing efficiency. That's the whole rep. That's why I kind of make the point of leaders need to understand the mechanics of change. Because if you can't recognize when you are at the stage that you're at, so often people get step seven out of seven on the transformation process is the up level. That's where the new you has to get integrated into your surroundings. So, right, how often does someone have. Where they come back from, like some sort of retreat or certification or whatever, and they're like, oh, wow, I'm not seeing life the same.
Alex Golden [00:23:05]:
I just don't fit quite as cleanly. And so, yeah, that's what happened. And so things like that, plenty of people get two inches from their goal and then they feel that anxiety and the disintegration of, like, I'm losing efficiency, something must be wrong. And they cut and run. And so often part of the process is resourcing yourself to put 1ft in front of the other. Because, I mean, let's really look at this. When you make a decision of, here's who I am, I'm going to help the world, I'm going to be a coach, I have a business, whatever, that's who I am, then from that point on, starts the gap period between that and when your life actually looks like what you say you are. Right? So we call that the gap.
Alex Golden [00:23:52]:
So part of transformation is minding the gap, as in, when I'm walking that gap every day that I still don't have, it is a day that I have to manage the people around me and going, well, you say you're that and you don't have the stuff and your own brain saying, but you don't have it yet. No, we don't have those followers yet. No, you don't have the customers yet. No, your bank account doesn't look like that. And that's what's hard about it, isn't it?
Jessica Osborn [00:24:19]:
Yes. Oh, goodness.
Alex Golden [00:24:21]:
Right. And so that's where really, it is so important for us to understand what we work like with all our individual variations, but really, there's more in common. Thanks. So as we teach, people in the whole room are like, oh, wow. Yeah, me too. It's not. It's not. So people always wonder, like, there's something must be terribly wrong with me, I'm so broken.
Alex Golden [00:24:46]:
And for the most part, yes, we have variations in how we are, but at the end of the day, really, for the most part, doing this work, I can tell you, most people struggle with very similar things. And so that's where you can really move yourself and the people you work with so much faster through wherever, to whatever results you want to get to, when you know where those things are, how they show up and have a lot, a lot of resources to catch yourself. Is it the emotional me that's having a problem. Well, cool. I better have resources to understand my emotions, to understand which categories they fall into, to understand the processing and how I make decisions. After all that, you know, like, there's so much to know that we are not taught in school, and even in our higher level educational programs and certifications, for the most part, they'll tell you what you need to know, but not how you need to go live, what you need to know. Right? And with the programming, it's really helpful. So think of it.
Alex Golden [00:25:54]:
One of the metaphors that we use is kind of like a good visualization, but this is where people are like, huh, okay, so what if it's not me? And then this is a good thing to understand. So the brain, the human brain currently in modern society, picks up a lot, like millions in the order of tens of millions of bits of informations per second. That includes, like, phone notifications, my shirt touching my chest, like the shirt I have under the shirt touching my chest, the cushion behind me, all of that is actually registered by my physical brain. So that's the equivalent of imagine whatever room you're in, or if you're in the car or whatever, that there's a hole in the ceiling and tens of millions of toothpicks are falling from the sky every single second. So whatever room you're in, I'm in my house, there are millions and millions of millions dropping in, right? But here's the trick. You can only pick up about 130 plus minus of toothpicks per second. So back in the day, the research was like 11 million. Nowadays they're saying more like 35.
Alex Golden [00:27:13]:
I think those numbers are very loose. That's why I don't. Because really, I'm not sure we know. The only thing is it's changing and increasing at a more rapid pace than we've ever seen it. With the way technology, I mean, just having the phone on your wrist alone, you know what I mean? That makes it that much closer. And I'm not knocking that stuff. I actually don't have a problem with technology. We just gotta.
Alex Golden [00:27:36]:
It's gotta work for you in life, however you wanna have it work for you. That's all I think. But there's lots and lots of information coming in, and it's only growing. But our brains haven't really changed in terms of how much more we consciously pick up. So you have to lose a bunch of toothpicks to make sense of the world. So what humans do, and that's part of the, like, learning English so that you know the rules, then you get to do poetry. Part of it is that we are. The conditioning that happens, determines which toothpicks get picked up, so that we can pair some toothpicks down.
Alex Golden [00:28:19]:
So there are three main things that happen. We can generalize. So, you know, this is how, like, you know, any racism, sexism, you name it. Generally we can generalize because we're not talking about one specific detail. Right. And so generalization is like bra strokes. You know, money's hard or life's hard or money's easy to make, whatever. And so we just paint browsers.
Alex Golden [00:28:43]:
You don't have to pick up one toothpick, and you kind of consolidated. You can delete, like, you've ever been someone with a friend, and they're like, do you see that thing? And you're like, no, right. Just didn't pick up that toothpick at all or didn't hear that. Didn't hear the comment. Some of the ladies who have husbands or husbands who have some wet. You know, so you're like, sure.
Jessica Osborn [00:29:08]:
Didn't hear that.
Alex Golden [00:29:08]:
You say that. And then we can distort. We, like, make it. Oh, I actually thought it was three people. Oh, no, I saw four. You're just kind of making it make sense. Or, you know, I could see a flying cat. I'd be like, I guess it's probably the wind wrestling the leaves, right? I would just Gen.
Alex Golden [00:29:29]:
I would just restore it to something that I understood, which is where, you know, when it comes to spiritual experiences or religious experiences, that's where we have to account for that. Do I not maybe have a toothpick to describe this? Right. But that's the mechanism of how we pare down the toothpicks in terms of what we pick up from the world in our brain. And so when someone's like, I don't want to have to worry about my beliefs. I just want to work hard on my business and I'll be successful. Our point is, will you be able to see the successful toothpicks with what you got going on? Right. If you think if you grew up with a dad that your mom loves because he worked all the time in his business, because he never, you know, he still had to work hard, or you have some sort of negative association with that and you try to start a business again, that's where the two. What toothpicks are we picking up? Is that the.
Alex Golden [00:30:32]:
Oh, this causes problems in my relationship. This means I don't have time to spend with my kids. Or are we picking up the toothpicks of possibilities, of opportunities, of hope, of results of success, of advancement. Right? So it's highly dependent because to go from, let's say, the current number, 35 million down to 130 something million to 100 something, that's a really big change. So you just it, to me, I live assuming that I got some filters to shore up. So even now, way down the line, it's definitely more nuanced. But in every scenario, there are times where I'm like, huh, is there another perspective? Could there be another way of looking at it? Because if I'm seeing it as, oh, that person hurt me, that person's not listening, that person's not, blah, blah, blah. Well, have I first asked? Okay, well, Alex, from what you know about yourself, is there the possibility that there is some toothpicks being picked up that make it look a certain way and it could be looked at differently? And the number of times that I've gotten more info based on that question and then been like, oh, oh, wow, I see.
Alex Golden [00:31:55]:
It's actually me seeing it that way. Once I shifted that, the situation shifts and things get better. No, it's not always like that. Sometimes when we up level, there's a natural separation from people. Like, if they're not in the same space as us, it's kind of like two magnets. And I've certainly gone through that. That can. That's a whole different discussion, but it can certainly be challenging.
Alex Golden [00:32:20]:
But for the most part, it's amazing how when we have that insight of, ooh, there's filters in place here, and I. And the problems that I encounter, the ways that my feelings are hurt or impacted or, you know, my self worth is impacted by the things that happen, the more resourced I am to really assess and look for what's really happening. What do I want to happen? What does this look like moving forward? That's what people like, because what's fun about humans is that they're resilient as all ghetto. Like, you know what I mean? Think about the, like, Nelson Mandela, zesty people know I'm a huge fan. Like, that man sat in prison for a long time and then became president. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, it's hard to keep a human down.
Jessica Osborn [00:33:17]:
I think it was his famous quote that he had because he came out. I think I heard Tony Robbins speak about that. Did you hear that same conversation from Tony? It was in. He's got an audiobook of his, unleash the power within, which has been amazing. Anyway, he said he interviewed Nelson Mandela when he came out and said, like, how did you actually get through this and then be able to, you know, rise up and lead people and become the president. How did it not weigh you down? And Nelson Mandela responded something like, I just always knew and believed that this was going to happen. Like, he was just unwavering his mind and where he was and what he was choosing to believe in. He was believing in the positive.
Jessica Osborn [00:34:05]:
Even though he was locked up for, like, was it 30 years? Something insane wasn't a really long time. Yeah.
Alex Golden [00:34:11]:
Yeah, right. And so, too, that, to me, is a case for when at Zesty, we talk about functional NLP. It accounts for not just the filters, but how we think about these filters. Because that part of, I'm guessing year twelve might have been rough, you know, I don't know. But, like, do we think that he never lost sight of the vision? I'm guessing probably not. I'm guessing he probably had moments. And that's where. That's the minding the gap, right.
Alex Golden [00:34:48]:
For him to come into authenticity to this is not right. This is unfair. It is unjust. I am struggling with it. That's how he became. He stopped fighting, him and him. I mean, if you really think about it, for me to have an experience that stinks and tell myself it was no big deal, I have to take the personal power that makes me me and split it so that I can have two experiences. So any but so anytime I'm denying an aspect of myself that will happen.
Alex Golden [00:35:20]:
Whereas when we actually say, I feel this way, and I acknowledge that, feel this way, and even though I don't love it, that's just what is now, that's that springboard where I said from, that who do I want to be? And I'm guessing if I, if I had a guess, that that informed part of that answer to say, I really believe he had to say, I don't have full control over the world, but I do have full control of me. And so not from a place of gaslighting myself into, like, this positivity. Oh, I love being in prison. No, I'm pretty sure he didn't say that. Right. But when, in being honest, it allowed him to come into that unity to get to the next level. And Lazarus saying, even when I don't have control over the badness of the world, I can still fight for the goodness and his conviction. And that was built day after day, year after year, when that was going on.
Alex Golden [00:36:22]:
And it really gets. We all have a different timeline, right? People say, like, I've been working on myself. I've been doing self development. My business still not where it is. That's part of those mechanics where we have to understand what is happening in the world, because we are not in a vacuum either. You know, we get to decide who we are. We get to decide what we want to do in the world. We get to decide how we want to do it.
Alex Golden [00:36:46]:
And there's still a component of life that accounts for a collaboration. Is the world ready for what I have to offer? Or am I also playing a role in getting the world ready? And that might look a different way. It might not have the riches and fame and results. But does he get dinged for not, for being in prison for 27 years? Like, does that mean he was weak because he couldn't bust out? Or does that mean that he was playing. He was playing his part in the game and when the world was ready, he got to do his thing, right? But, but again, there's resourcing that needs to happen, because it does not sound compassionate at all to me to be like, well, somebody you don't know when. When you're gonna get to pop out with your unique gift and just wait and you shouldn't mind, and if you're pissed about that, then there's something wrong with you, you know, that sounds terrible. That's not. That's not the play.
Alex Golden [00:37:45]:
Like, to me, that's where it all of someone matters. And, and so if we're having a hard time walking the path, even if we're on the right path, that's what it looks like to say. How do I support myself so that I can keep doing this, so that I can keep putting one and foot in front of the other? Because I think a lot of times we know. We know we should do. We just wonder if we're actually going to do it. And that's what I'll say. There's probably a lot less wrong with you than you are making up in your head. All that is missing is resources.
Alex Golden [00:38:17]:
You just knew how to work with you and you and get yourself. How do you sit with your emotions and also be the comfort and also not gaslight yourself into repressing your emotions? Right? These are not easy things to figure out, and we never got taught them. So lots and lots of compassion is needed for, especially as leaders who are aspiring to help. You know, if you're finding that hard, I'll say it again, that's valid. And if, if you're feeling like, gosh, this could be easier, you're, you're right. It absolutely could be. It absolutely could be. It's just a matter of time.
Alex Golden [00:38:56]:
We've gotten to the part of our history where we're like, now there's going to be people just saying, I'm going to tell you exactly how to do it. And we happen to be some of them, but we hope, and we are working on the fact that that will multiply and expand very rapidly and that people will have a lot more answers and resources for themselves than they ever have in the past.
Jessica Osborn [00:39:18]:
Oh, I love that. There's something that you mentioned before that really struck a chord with me because I'm a parent as well. And I guess the more I start to uncover and understand about any beliefs or things that I've discovered in myself, I look at my kids and I'm like, oh, my goodness, am I ruining them? I can see things already there, all of this stuff, right?
Alex Golden [00:39:45]:
Yeah. You're like, I am annoying at doing that. And now they're copying. Yeah.
Jessica Osborn [00:39:49]:
Yeah. And I guess, you know, you mentioned that, you know, we grow up, and it's almost like a rite of passage in a way, the way you explained. I'm not sure if I'm labeling it that, but, you know, we kind of have to go through these, these experiences and the learning of the English before we can write the poetry. And, you know, I really loved that because it felt like we can take a lot of the blame away where we might look back on childhood and our parents and be like, oh, well, if they'd done it differently, then I wouldn't be like this today. And I was like, you know what? That blame is really unhelpful. I think everybody, I mean, I would like to ask you in a moment, like, what are the most common beliefs that people struggle with? But I think, you know, from my experience, we probably all have some, like, we all have them no matter what, how we've grown up. And so helpful to blame case in point of it, isn't it?
Alex Golden [00:40:45]:
Yeah, absolutely. Like, case in point. We, my partner and I was just, we last week, we had a conversation because we both have businesses, and, and so we were talking about where we came from. Like, I grew up in Russia. We didn't had an outhouse, no running water. You know what I mean? Like, I did not grow up. If anyone's like, oh, she probably had a good start. No, I didn't.
Alex Golden [00:41:07]:
And same for him. Now, though, he's texting similar backgrounds. And of course, part of the goal is to never have any future generations in that position. So that's the legacy that we're working on. And that's what we do every day and why we get up, stay up late, do the business, all that. And then we were meeting with a mentor of his who is 75 and he was talking about what a disservice he had done to his sons of paying for all their stuff and not letting them struggle enough that they had, you know, essentially been like, dad, we never learned how to fight for anything. Like we always just got it. And they were kind of resentful of that.
Alex Golden [00:42:02]:
So isn't that fascinating? Right? Because I want this or like my parents weren't great at the communication. It was just like kids don't come along, right? And that's fine. That was how they grew up and part of their generation. But even with my little sister who I was 16 years age gap with, as she was coming up, I started telling her more stuff. And at some point I realized I actually am adding things that are grown up level things that probably she does not need to hear. Like I had overcompensated in a way that then I later on realized, oh, well, that way isn't necessarily right. So that's the. I think that's what makes it so difficult is that just giving the opposite of what you hated also doesn't work, right? Like, it's not necessarily that and it's true.
Alex Golden [00:43:04]:
I mean, I think the best that we can, to me what it looks like for it is doing our own work to show what it looks like to treat yourself well, to make align choices in life. Like, you know, of course we don't hope to undercut the experiences future generations need to have for their development. At the same time, we do want to stack the resources so that when they are ready to decide now they get to take ownership for the decision. And we essentially just don't, we don't program as hard, but. But you can't not program because the brain learns. If you have it in your house, the brain will learn it no matter what it is. And that person, you can't necessarily predict what their life will unfold into. So just because that environment suited them, then they could later say, oh, but I was missing this still.
Alex Golden [00:44:05]:
So that is all to say, if we are resourced to account for, and that even includes mental aspects, how do I think of my role as guiding future generations? What do I think actually matters? What makes the biggest difference to me? Role modeling and living the life that you want and feel really aligned with and good at. I'm not talking about material things. I'm talking about speaking kindly to yourself in your own head, allowing yourself to experience human emotions that are valid, to grieve, to feel really proud and confident at times, you know, the full breadth of the experience. To me, that's the best thing that we can do. And you're right, it actually involves a lot less blame and shame because I. Part of the problem with pre deciding how we're going to mess up our kids is we're also telling ourselves what choices they're going to make.
Jessica Osborn [00:45:14]:
You.
Alex Golden [00:45:14]:
Right. You have to retrofit a made up life to that idea to say, well, I miss her. So instead we can say, if I don't know, I don't need to make it up. If I have some feelings I need to work through, what am I going to lean on to process the feelings? Who am I going to talk to? How am I going to sit with them? How will I express this? How will I move, move that feeling through my body? And how does that inform who I choose to be moving forward? All of that, as long as we're within there, kind of like the Nelson Mandela discussion, we can all move through that. That humans can handle that. It's more just what we don't want is for somebody else to pigeonhole us into it. And so that one is more just. Even the belief I need to not mess up my kids is a belief, right? Because of the reality, the inaccurate terms to say we will all mess up our kids in the ways that they need for their advancement, then that idea doesn't even fit.
Alex Golden [00:46:22]:
That's not even right. Like, that's not actually a part of reality, that becomes just a belief that we think the same thing is I gotta keep going to stuff to learn about more business or I need to pay someone. Whatever, whatever, right. We have to be careful. It's good to invest in ourselves and have help and for guidance and all not be stuck. On the other hand, if we do it from the belief of I'm doing it because there's something wrong with me, and then I sign up for the next thing because there's still something wrong with me, and I sign up for the next thing because there's still something wrong with me, efficiently, we are hardwiring that to be the new problem. Right. And so.
Jessica Osborn [00:47:03]:
Yeah, exactly. Where does it end exactly?
Alex Golden [00:47:08]:
We. Yes, with. With parenting. It's really. I think parenting and business is where we get to have the mirror held up to us the most. Yeah, but of course there. There's lots of. Lots of ways to learn about ourselves, but yeah, those two will really make you stop and think and go, oh, boy.
Alex Golden [00:47:30]:
And what's up?
Jessica Osborn [00:47:33]:
And I just. I see that at times it can be easy to kind of almost blame it and then to almost allow yourself to stay in what you were calling, like, the pattern your brain is in that place where it's efficient. And it's almost like that permission that you can give to yourself. It's like, oh, it's because of, you know, how I was brought up as a child. But, you know, what I'm hearing from you is like, yeah, that was part of your journey, and you got to where you are with what you've got. But then if you want to get further, then it's about being able to understand how to shift from that and learn. And, you know, I like your term to have more resources, because we need the resources available, and maybe we just don't have the right resources right now, so.
Alex Golden [00:48:18]:
Exactly.
Jessica Osborn [00:48:18]:
I've kind of got two questions, and I'm not sure which way you want to go with this, but one of.
Alex Golden [00:48:23]:
Them is, ask them both. We'll figure it out.
Jessica Osborn [00:48:26]:
Yeah. One of them is, what do you see as the most common beliefs that are holding people back? I know that you're saying you work with leaders, and it's interesting because as you were saying that, I'm like, I wonder how many people started a business? You're a coach. How many actually feel like you're a leader? Are you identifying them as part of you? And that might be a whole other conversation, but we probably have a common set of. Of beliefs that are really the ones that are absolutely holding us back. And then my other question was kind of a bit more functional, ironically, about functional NLP, because, you know, we hear that word NLP, it gets sort of spoken about, but what does that really mean? And what is functional NLP? So I'll leave all of that with you. There's a lovely little small gas board question.
Alex Golden [00:49:16]:
I love it. I love it. Okay, so what's NLP? NLP stands for neuro linguistics programming. So really, to break it down to the simplest terms is, you know, neuro wiring the brain cells, the neurons, to certain. To represent certain concepts in the form of language that is programmed. So it's essentially exactly what we've been talking about. It's the study of how to use language to either teach ideas and to have someone understand, which is to say their brain starts lighting up different regions of understanding and linking it to pre existing concepts, like the concept landed. And so when it comes to being leaders, it's vital that we know how to communicate in a persuasive and compelling way.
Alex Golden [00:50:10]:
We can't tell anybody what to do, right? That's really not our role as coaches or leaders. The only thing we do is to provide a compelling future and a. And to persuade, to be. If you look at yourselves through this lens, you could get XYZ benefit. And so. And that's true whether you haven't realized you're a leader yet, and you're like, how do I get my kids to eat broccoli? Or, you know, you are a leader, and you're like, how do I get the board to agree to eggs? That's where we. We need to say, well, we are. My words are not landing in a vacuum.
Alex Golden [00:50:49]:
I am speaking to somebody that has concepts hardwired in a certain way. If I don't understand who I'm speaking to and how I can use my word languaging effectively to describe what I'm talking about, well, then I can't make a difference in that person's life. So sometimes people will be like, they have the misunderstanding that, or they have the understanding that NLP could be used to manipulate instead of persuade. And that is true. It can be used for bad. And that is why it's really, really important that leaders who have the best interest of the world in mind be trained to use it, because, you betcha, the politicians and all that are already trained, the CEO's, the presidents, all that stuff, they learn effective communication. This is part of it. So, you know, if you're like, I don't like the algorithm.
Alex Golden [00:51:48]:
They learned how people communicate, and they already got. They're already persuading you. Commercials already figured it out. They hire marketing agencies that learn these concepts and talk to you in a way that your brain accepts the ideas. So, to us, it's already happening. And so we got to get people persuading for good instead of manipulating for bad. So, is it powerful? Yes. Does it need to be watched? Yes, absolutely.
Alex Golden [00:52:13]:
And that's why, to us, we just need more. We need a bigger army for good. Let's do this thing. Cause they're already unified to control us. You know, like, everything you see, all the images you see online, on tv, all that. Yeah, that's where that comes from. And it's very effective. So we can be on the powerful end of that rather than being like, oh, wow, people can.
Alex Golden [00:52:38]:
It's happening to me all the time, and there's nothing I can do about it, you know? Same with, like, hypnosis, not understanding what is happening in the brain in hypnotic patterns, because that's what the algorithm uses to keep you scrolling. So an understanding of all of NLP, of languaging, really is both protective and very effective when we are leaders and it's happening all the time. All the time. And so the other thing that we can do is that it makes us much more effective coaches, because everybody, all the time is telling you the truth. So here's what I mean. Their words might lie, but when you understand how thoughts impact the physical body and the emotional body, then people's face and eyes and body will do things that then betrays it. So, for the most part, if you understand NLP and you learn it, you can always understand someone's worldview and how they think, what they believe, because they'll be talking about money and they'll link three concepts together that say, oh, if I look at what they're actually saying and I look at it at face value, they are implying a lot and they are telling me exactly how this makes sense to them. So when people are tying and you're like, how did you get that? Like, how does business have to do with, you know, intimacy or whatever? Well, somehow we need to understand.
Alex Golden [00:54:15]:
We're missing the third piece that brings all that together. How is it linked? Because they're telling you the regions of their brains they got hardwired together. So the rejection from Instagram is going to feel like rejection from their mom, and they're going to be really confused on why they don't post stuff, when they say they want to post every day, when really, if you listen to their wording, they're going to tell you exactly how they got there and exactly why it makes sense that they don't post. So there's nothing mysterious about their behavior. It is tracking exactly how it's hardwired wording and the manifestations of thoughts like as into the rest of the body, then tell you everything that you need to know about how that works. Once you have the concepts understood. Oh, this is how their self worth is informed by their business and vice versa. Now we can create the appropriate resource plan that meets them, where they're at and actually helps.
Alex Golden [00:55:22]:
And how. How often do people talk about coaching where they're like, yeah, I got a bunch of stuff to do, and none of it really did anything. Yeah. And that's where, you know, we can just assume, oh, hey, when I feel like this, this is what I need, and then we deliver that and we're like, great, I'm a great coach. I'm gonna go have dinner and I'm done, right? And then they come back wanting a refund, and we're like, what the heck? I gave them such great coaching, and we're busy about that. When really in reality, if we didn't understand what their brain was making that mean and then it wasn't well matched, then we didn't do as much as we think they did. And they every right to have the experience that they're having. And so not to make anybody feel bad, it's more just, it behooves us to learn how people work.
Alex Golden [00:56:15]:
If we're going to effectively impact large groups of people. If we don't have, you know, if we don't have really big goals, oftentimes we can kind of mosey along. But the bigger your vision is, the more resources are needed, because as the leader, as the tip of the sword, uh, are going to need the most amount of resources because you're going to deal with the most amount of resistance. If you are the holder of a new idea for the world, by definition, the people around you won't agree with you, and they'll probably call you crazy and say, ask why you're doing that. So you better have all the resources that you need to actually get through that. Yeah. If everybody around you agrees with you, you're not the leader. Yeah.
Alex Golden [00:57:02]:
Okay. Someone already got 30 for you. That's how y'all got it. And hunky dory is cool, but you're not the leader in that. You know, you're the leader because people start telling you you're wrong. You're. That's not true. This isn't how it works.
Alex Golden [00:57:17]:
You're talking crazy. Whatever. Right? It can be really severe. It can be mild. But long story short, there's a lot of agreement with you. That's not what we're talking about. So the tip of the spear needs the most resources. But then in living those and embodying those, other people watch and go, huh? Well, I know, I see the problems that they have, but they seem to always overcome them.
Alex Golden [00:57:39]:
Let me, if they can do it, I can do it. Now they have more belief. Now they're moving. Now they ask you, hey, how'd you deal with that? Now you hand back the resources that you had a good understanding of, you worked with, they worked for you. Everything's good. Now. The person's like, oh, okay, let me try it. They try.
Alex Golden [00:57:58]:
It works. They teach their kid, that kid grows up and has a family that, you know, has five kids. Each of those five kids has three kids. You know, five generations down the line, we're talking about 1200 people. No, no.
Jessica Osborn [00:58:13]:
Yes.
Alex Golden [00:58:13]:
1200 families. Not people. 1200 families. Right. Five times three, times three times three. That multiplications over 1200. So that. And, you know, we got five.
Alex Golden [00:58:25]:
So that. That's why I know the math. But that's what we mean is that it's not so small for you to be like, I'm just talking nicer to myself if that's all you see, as you're missing the boat, like, you missed a lot of the service you provide. And especially then, if you're making yourself feel bad about what you haven't done or how you're not good enough. And that, by the way, is the most common belief. I'm not good enough lies at the heart of most people's problems.
Jessica Osborn [00:58:53]:
Yeah.
Alex Golden [00:58:54]:
Then from there, it's very. It's really difficult to move in a way that's very efficient, you know, and effective in the direction we want to go. We can kind of spin our wheels and move. But are we advancing in the direction we want to go as?
Jessica Osborn [00:59:12]:
Yeah. And I can really see the link there, if you believe is that you're not good enough and then you're trying to be a leader and you've got a message that you want to get out there, but everyone's saying, well, I don't. I don't agree with you, and all of that. That is literally just coming straight back into that old, oh, no, I'm not like it. They don't agree with me, therefore, there's something wrong. Whereas I'm loving that you're saying, well, actually, that's the sign that you are a leader, because they don't agree with you yet because it's something that is not already there, which means that you can lead them in it, but you've got to be able to lead them and be strong enough to say, yeah, I hear you saying no, or I don't agree. And let me take you on a journey to show you this other person perspective so that, you know, now you can come along and. And see that new view that just makes so much sense to me.
Jessica Osborn [01:00:04]:
And it's. I love it because I think that how many women do you know, like, I mean, I just. I see them all the time who want people to agree with them. They want people to align. And as soon as anybody's sort of coming up and saying the opposite, they're like, you're. Oh, my God, no, they don't like it. Oh, no, that's terrible. My whole business will be, you know, doomed or whatever kind of crazy idea you think.
Alex Golden [01:00:32]:
That's why we make the case for leaders need other leaders. Because when the. To me now, this is my worldview. I don't proclaim that I have, like, the definitive statement on this, but to me, the pattern that I've noticed over doing this work is that the more humans that are involved in the vision, as in the more people that your work is going to help, the more personal it gets. So what I mean by that is often, that's where even your bestie, even your mom, even your partner, even your kids may not see it that way. That's where, you know, with the leaders need other people who understand what that's like. And I also think that is it's often vital that leaders have good partnership, whether, you know, in romantic partnership or even in business partnership. But the person that you've yoked yourself to, it's worthwhile to consider that bond and the stability of that foundation because especially as leaders and especially the more isolated we are, if you cannot be in a group with other leaders, like, I'm very blessed.
Alex Golden [01:01:59]:
We lead the community, and it just keeps getting bigger. So, really, for me, it's gotten better and better as I've gone, and I like designing it that way because really, as we expand, there's more people that think like me, you know? And then when. And I literally, the coaches that I hire are often people that already had amazing practices or had other, you know, things that they knew and then they got certified with us, and then, you know, that's. That's who we'll work with. And so all of that is to say, like, I've kind of set it up so that in my life, I'm getting the support just that I need in the way that I like it. And because I'm a leader, I get to create it that way. Right. And I get to share, and not everyone has to like that.
Alex Golden [01:02:48]:
They don't have to, but it's got to work for us. And so, yeah, it's vitally important that no matter where we're getting it, whether it's groups that we are in or partnerships that we choose to be in, that we pay attention to what's happening and do the work for showing up for them. Because to put 1ft in front of the other, more than likely, especially the bigger vision that you have, you will need that support. And, you know, I realize that's easier said than done. Having been through a divorce myself, I know what I'm saying. Where I was like, you don't understand. Yes, I do. And maybe I don't understand your particular.
Alex Golden [01:03:33]:
Anyone listening is like, you got a real exotic thing. Cool. I get that. You know, we just got to decide still, are we a leader or not?
Jessica Osborn [01:03:41]:
Yeah.
Alex Golden [01:03:41]:
Are we going to accomplish the task or not? And at some point, we got to fight for getting it done. And if we feel like we are unsupported, unattended to and whatever, and that something's missing, it is our responsibility to go figure that out and however you want to. So whatever you're hearing me say, you know, like, I ain't handle it, however you want to handle it, but handling it must be seen through if we are to walk that path. Because, like, we're talking about, there is the tip of the spear. There's the most resistance there. You got to be the first one to go through all of it. So it's not so easy to get done without feeling like you got. You got your back and you have systems in place.
Alex Golden [01:04:30]:
And there was a time where it felt like it was just me who had my bag, but the only reason I got through them is because I was the one that had my back. It couldn't have been somebody else only had my back, right? Because then I would have been, like, the murders in the house, you know, like the calls coming from inside the house, like the horror movies, it's the exact same thing there. If I don't have the. I could only be the person. But if we're not the person, then no one else can be that person. So, you know, no matter what you got going in life, you can handle it. It's just worthwhile asking what needs to get resourced until I get to what I want. And if I'm already where I want, how can I keep improving it, keep reiterating so that it works more and more and more on my behalf?
Jessica Osborn [01:05:22]:
Yeah. I think there's just been so much in what you said that's really important because, you know, as you said in the beginning, like, you can keep on going, doing the things, the tasks, and, you know, you'll get there eventually, probably if you don't give up your crazy along the way, or you can get there faster. And I think one of the other things I heard, and, you know, correct me if I'm wrong, but, you know, this is, this isn't just about changing what you're telling yourself and saying some affirmations to change the kind of the common thoughts in your head. It's actually much more at a deeper level body, you know, you've talked about emotions and how you're actually emotionally responding in your body and the actions that you're taking. And so it just seems to me like this is much more functional full body change the brain to help change it. Have I got that right? Absolutely.
Alex Golden [01:06:18]:
And actually, thank you for the reminder. I did not answer what functional NLP was, but you essentially just summarized it.
Jessica Osborn [01:06:25]:
Okay.
Alex Golden [01:06:26]:
NLP is originally it was more focused on. And that's kind of just a societal conversation we were having more in the mindset. We had been on physical body for a while. Like conventional modern medicine is only a couple of hundred years old, which is crazy to think about because we act like we know everything, but whatever. So there that, okay, we went, we did that for like 100 years, right? Then we started being like, huh? What if the supercomputer up here that, you know, thoughts aren't free? So every time, every time you think I thought, oh, I'm stupid, or I'm not good enough, it actually releases chemical messengers and it makes your body do a type of thing. So then people are like, huh, maybe thoughts are kind of important. Like what it. Thoughts drive your body.
Alex Golden [01:07:13]:
Well, then I used to have chronic pain for about 17 years. And I would take a bunch of medications. I would take the best supplements. I mean, I was learning this stuff as it was, even adding functional medicine to it, all that good stuff. And I probably just had the world's most expensive urine, because the super computer up here was saying, nothing ever works for me. So my body was making sure that was true and following it through very efficiently. So nothing. Nothing worked until I got that.
Jessica Osborn [01:07:43]:
Nothing worked right.
Alex Golden [01:07:44]:
And so we got there. And so then, you know, in the last. The last, you know, 19 hundreds. And in that century, we started having karma. Later in the second half, we started conversations about thoughts and the mental body. And so NLP is a study of languaging and beliefs and stuff like that. Now, it touches on the concept of emotions in the mind, but not the emotions themselves. And it says nothing about spirit.
Alex Golden [01:08:15]:
From what I came here to, for my purpose, for what I. For what my soul wanted from this experience, no matter how you view, you know, the purpose of your existence, whatever that is, whatever your answer is, those were notably missing in the equation. And what would happen is that. And actually, since we were trained by, you know, we created the functional NLP as it stands. And so we were trained in regular NLP when we did. And even in our experiences, what we were finding is that it necessitated internal self gaslighting to make it happen. I had to be like, I have this belief. It makes me feel terrible.
Alex Golden [01:09:05]:
And then, you know, there's NLP as you go through the process, then it's like, well, what do you want instead? And that's fine. I love that question. But for me to overrun my hurt emotions and be like, well, what? I said, joy, okay, joy, let me program joy. That's not what I'm trying to do. I'm not trying to disrespect myself as a way to be like, if it was a friend, I would never do that. Right? She's crying about her boss being mean to her. I wouldn't have been like, well, what kind of show do you want instead? Like, and ignore the rest of the story. Like, at first hear out.
Alex Golden [01:09:41]:
I'd be like, wow, that sounds tough. I'd probably feed it back to her, make sure I understood it correctly. And then after all that, maybe we could talk about some things to do, maybe not. Maybe she just needed to vent. And that's an emotional, you know, conversation, not a functional, fix it conversation. So why would I do that? To me? And so that's where the more we went, the more we're like, actually, this is just slowing us down. If I just got a blast through my emotions to make it work, that's going to take me a minute. And so we stopped.
Alex Golden [01:10:17]:
Now, the discovery of that took a couple years, and it was not easy. It wasn't easy to begin to create structures where there weren't any really, like, societally, there. There's some people that talk about emotions, there's very few and far between, and there's not real good frameworks for it, and even classifications of our emotions, emotional scales, the understanding of processing all those things. And so it, you know, that's where we really had to be in our own leadership, to say, we need to deviate pretty significantly, and we need to deviate enough to go find the resources. So, of course, that's our path. That's what we signed up for. We have no problem with that. We love it.
Alex Golden [01:11:06]:
And then that's where we began to. We actually thought doing NLP certifications and hypnosis certifications would be about a ten year plan. A couple of years ago, we were, like, ten years down the line. We'll do it. Once we started adding that in, from the time we added all that in to when we had our first retreat was nine months. So that's where we'll make the point of when you work with all of who you are, that's the transformation accelerator. Right. And all our naming and Dusty had, you know, transformation accelerator program.
Alex Golden [01:11:43]:
Habit. Transformation accelerator. The whole idea is that if you get more of you on board, then of course you can move faster.
Jessica Osborn [01:11:52]:
Yes.
Alex Golden [01:11:52]:
If I don't have to gaslight myself to act a certain way, and I just figure it out within me. And me, I have resources to negotiate between the different parts of me. The part that wants to be big, the part that's scared and thinks it's easier to play small. Can they have a conversation? What do they each have to say? How do they each feel? What resources are they missing? What do they admire about each other? Right. If I can actually figure out a way to have these well formed conversations and negotiations within myself, then none of that is necessary. I don't have to power through anything. I don't have to force myself to anything. I don't have to use willpower.
Alex Golden [01:12:34]:
I don't have to wonder if I have enough willpower. None of that, right? None of that. And so it is actually a lot easier than that old way where you really have to keep peeling aspects of yourself off because they don't fit, rather is more just bringing all of it into the fold. How do I bring all of me together? And even that scared part of me, she's gonna be successful, too, because I can and I want to.
Jessica Osborn [01:13:08]:
Oh, that's so great. And the piece that we were gonna circle back to just really briefly, because I know you've been very generous with your time today. Just like, the most common beliefs that you see with the people that you work with, you know, what are the ones that show up again and again that we might then start to go, well, okay, can we start to identify that they may be present as well for ourselves if someone's listening?
Alex Golden [01:13:36]:
Yeah, absolutely. The I'm not good enough is one, and then the I'm stuck and I don't know enough are very similar. They're often just, like, remixes of each other. What most people are saying in that is they're like, I haven't figured out how to see myself differently, and I haven't picked up new resources as a way to approach myself. Like, I keep trying the same thing. And a lot of, one of the fastest strategies to get fired after most people from those thoughts is what worked in school. When you got a c, you work harder, you get a b. If you didn't get a promotion, you're supposed to work harder, and then you get the next one.
Alex Golden [01:14:24]:
Right? The whole, in sports, you didn't make the team, you work out harder. You make the team. So a lot of times in society we're conditioned to fire the strategy of go harder. And there's so many things. Health is one of them, relationships can be one of them. Business and having to collaborate with the rest of the world is one of them. You can't just force that, right? You can't just make people be like, I'm gonna help you.
Jessica Osborn [01:14:53]:
They're like, I don't want your little crazy lady.
Alex Golden [01:14:56]:
Right. So that's where. Yes, they, they kind of inform each other on the, I'm stuck, let me go harder. Chances are you need a different strategy. Right. How does doing it differently look like? How would actually going a different way? What's your usual pattern? How do you deviate from it? Try something else? How do you identify that? You know, a lot of times what's actually happening is that people are advancing their businesses, but they keep telling themselves their stuck because they're looking at a metric that is going to change later. Right. Like money is a proxy for impact.
Alex Golden [01:15:38]:
That means that you got to be out there impacting for a minute before the. The manifestation of that impact comes back to you like a boomerang. So that's, you know, that's a minding the gap kind of situation. And so it doesn't serve us to downplay it, saying, I haven't gotten anywhere. Because how motivated are you gonna be to go advance that and plant new seeds the next day? Most people are actually much further along, but then they quit, which then makes it look take longer. Right. You quit for three weeks to cry about how you've been messing up, when really you've been working diligently.
Jessica Osborn [01:16:17]:
Yeah. Change direction.
Alex Golden [01:16:19]:
Like, if you're working, I'm gonna take.
Jessica Osborn [01:16:22]:
Yeah, now you're starting again. Right.
Alex Golden [01:16:23]:
Let me rebrand for the 37th time. Right. We've done that. It's cool. But, yeah, so it's like all of those are the slowdown. Nobody from outside, you know, people will be like, it's God, it's the universe. My generational curses. Yeah.
Alex Golden [01:16:39]:
Those things are, to me that have a time and place and they can be explained, but most of what people deal with are their own. What they create is just that because there's a delay, we don't always see it that way. And so we could just keep working with ourselves to support whatever is needed to put 1ft in front of the other through. We will actually get there faster. So I will say more often than not, it's not as bad, but the thoughts that for a lot of people, the unstuck, it's not moving fast enough. It'll never work. They're all kind of the same, and.
Jessica Osborn [01:17:16]:
They'Re driving the decisions that you're making, aren't they? So it's like, while that's present, then it can have much bigger implications because of the decision that you make when you say, oh, it's not working, therefore, I've got to just change direction because they're not seeing that result, even though they, because they're not noticing the progress and how close they really are to it.
Alex Golden [01:17:38]:
Right?
Jessica Osborn [01:17:38]:
Yep.
Alex Golden [01:17:39]:
And that's where I think the more you understand about yourself and get to know yourself in all the, you know, all four bodies, I think that's where you really can have wins every single day. Every day. Day is an opportunity to go to bed saying, I reinforced who I'm proud of based on the actions that I could take. And to me, I think that does an important function because you're right. What you're describing is that with toothpicks, are you going to pick up if you're stuck and nothing works and you're always stuck, not the good ones and not probably the helpful ones, not the ones that are going to be the needle for powerfully, they just might not be available to you. But when we say, what, when can I have? Did I act in, like, am I proud of what I did and how I moved forward or how I treated myself? Even if that's rest, I was like, two days ago, I was like, I am too, too pooped to continue this day. I was. I had said a rest day.
Alex Golden [01:18:45]:
Later on, I was like, I'm not gonna get there till I overshot what I, you know, could work through. And I just had a, had to slow it down and just take that time. I could have been hard on myself, but what I went to bed telling myself was, I'm. I'm proud that I recognize the exit signs, that I was getting to that point. What I didn't wait for things that I used to do in the past is wait until I was, you know, threadbare and then get in a fight with my partner or something and now causing more problems down the line. Instead of that, I'm very proud of the fact that I have, you know, businesses, and I get to decide what that looks like. And so because two days ago was a good time to do it, then I took that time. And so, you know, I think that there's a lot more feel goodness that we can have.
Alex Golden [01:19:46]:
And I think it's worthwhile finding it. But I think that as we sit in our own individual little bubbles, we just got to recognize that's not the message that most of us have gotten. So we got a course correct intentionally. How do you expose your mind and your emotional body and your spirit to things that light you up, that help you feel good about yourself? You can listen to our podcast. You listen to this one, whatever it is that you feel, you can pray, whatever you feel fulfilled by and connected to, but something that helps you see yourself in that light. And to say, I'm worth figuring out, I'm worth taking with me to the success that I want, because the results aren't just waiting for you, you know, when you are the person that gets those results, it will also mean that a lot of other people, people got what they needed and the help that they were. So it really helps us localize to say, you know, it's not just for me. At the end of the day, there's every day that I spend messing around with these little, you know, I'm not good enough.
Alex Golden [01:20:55]:
Whatever, whatever. And doing, not addressing them. Every day, other people are going to bed going, God, I wish I had someone to help me with this problem I'm having.
Jessica Osborn [01:21:04]:
Yes.
Alex Golden [01:21:04]:
And that's the part that really, like, that takes it home for me so much, because it just reminds me, oh, right. I actually am more committed to the world, to helping the world, than I am committed to my fears and limitations. End of story, you know?
Jessica Osborn [01:21:21]:
Yes. Yeah. It's amazing. It's like that amplification effect that happens when you work on you and able to change that, then how much more you're able to help other people. So true. That's just amazing. Now, how long does this take? If we're like, okay, I want to reprogram. I want to get rid of, you know, these things that I've had that, you know, maybe I'm aware of.
Jessica Osborn [01:21:43]:
Maybe I'm not aware of what they are right now. How long does it take to what, what does it look like when we start this process?
Alex Golden [01:21:50]:
Well, the beautiful thing is it's really up to us. But I will say, and, you know, in the span of two years, let me see if I can think of all the stuff that happens. But when I said, I'm serious about this, and this is what is going to happen, we rebranded. We started a whole new in person portion of business that we had never done before. I got divorced. I then later met my new partner, moved across the country. These are not in any particular order, just how I healed my body from chronic pain, actually got to start a diagnosed celiac, got to start eating gluten again, healed that it started making the enzyme again. Got out of fight or flight.
Alex Golden [01:22:39]:
What else? All sorts of stuff. So, and that was just in two years. So you can, you can do, and that's like the full, the full time. Like not, not the, I'm not excluding the lead up or anything like that. I was just doing. But I, to me, and I kind of say this jokingly, but I think part of what my superpower is is that I don't have the insistence that we need to. Like, I believe time exists in this world, but I'm not believer in unnecessary patience. Like, I'm like, just get there faster if you want the stuff.
Alex Golden [01:23:18]:
I don't know, I don't know why people are so hell bent on that stuff, but to me that I like.
Jessica Osborn [01:23:23]:
It in the time, right?
Alex Golden [01:23:25]:
Yeah, you can wait, or like, if something is necessary to wait, but why have that as your philosophy electively, if you can have it faster and you want it, I mean, if you don't want it, you don't want it, cool. You don't need patience then. But why, why be so hell behind this? So anyways, that, that's all to say, like, you know, you, you can just, I did not elect to wait. I wanted to get to the next level as fast as possible. That required. It wasn't that fun to condense it into that short of a span of time. But the reason I use that as an example too, is that it's purely elective because people are like, gosh, it's gonna take me three years to get to this new life. Okay, that's fine if you are okay with that, but if you're going to pick the slower moving path and then complain that there's something wrong with you because you're moving slow, that makes no sense.
Alex Golden [01:24:29]:
You have control over it. So if you really want to go fast, then you got to just be okay with, I'm going to pick up resources at lightning speed. And in my case, it was for a purpose. I'm here to teach. And there were resources that hadn't yet been introduced to society. I had to go find them. Them. I had to create them.
Alex Golden [01:24:49]:
I had to create the structures for them. So for me, that's where, if that's your path and you want to do it, you can usually someone's going to say, get with people who know what they're talking about, who have been there before you and that can help resource you up. That's going to, that's going to be the fastest way. I mean, I think that's true for everybody, but I think it's just important to know you are making the decision. And so any and all feelings and thoughts that flow out of it, you get to redecide. You want to move faster, great. You want to move slower in the season, great. You just get to do whatever is best for you.
Alex Golden [01:25:23]:
But I do think it's important to say you can go fast and it does not have to take a long time.
Jessica Osborn [01:25:32]:
And how much are you going to fight yourself on the journey? Hey, I've got this new thing that, oh no, now I'm going to rethink about it and it can go slower. Now, if someone, you say you work with leaders, and I know that you mentioned that you do some in person events and you have a program as well, do they go along to the in person retreat and learn this or is that kind of like a starting point? What does it look like in terms of understanding? Okay, how do I actually start? And obviously it's going to build over time. And however long that timeframe is that I give myself to do, it is fine. How long is the program itself?
Alex Golden [01:26:13]:
Yeah, absolutely. So right now the, we have our NLP essentials is something that, and we can share the link with you so you can put it in the show notes, but we have a program that gets people with the foundations of NLP. How do you start with this? What, how does it work? Like getting you much more resource for yourself and it also, if you want to apply it in your business. Absolutely. That's, that's what it's there for. So that's one. And then we also have a two day habit transformation event. It happens twice a year and we're working on adding a third.
Alex Golden [01:26:51]:
The next one coming up is in August in Dallas. And then right now we for sure have one in January 2025 in Virginia beach where Megan lives. You know, TBD on the third one, either in 2020 or if it'll be in 2025. But we'll have that all on our website and we'll certainly share that. And so that is, it's a very low cost investment, but it's two intensive days of everything you need to know about habits and how to get you congruent with doing what you, who you say you are. Right. So our actions and everything else are always just an extension of our identity. And so that, that's a really great place to start.
Alex Golden [01:27:35]:
And then our seven day in person certifications. There's different levels depending on the certifications that you're working towards. So our level one seven day certification, our next one is coming up in April. Right now we have one spot left for that and then the next group starts in October. So just reach out to us if you're interested. But it's seven days. We get NLP, NLP practitioner hypnosis, certification, life coaching, and a form of subconscious reprogramming called quantum time technique. Has to do with how the brain interprets events in time, because it's constant in time.
Alex Golden [01:28:17]:
So those are four things that people walk away with, really. That is for leaders and even budding out leaders, because we have people that have no business coming out. A lot of them will have a sale before they even leave the certification. And if not, we really talk about, for leaders, we talk about as an investment, as in, you can use all this stuff for you, but it's really meant to be applied and to create that ripple effect in the world. So most people, when they agree to that, they're getting their money back, double, tripled within the first couple months. You know, like, because, because if you want to help and now you have the resources to move yourself through helping and, you know, you decide you want to, you can. So it's not, there's a lot of things in life we can't control. Luckily, this is not one of them.
Alex Golden [01:29:07]:
And so people just get to be like, oh, right, I can do it now. And then they do. So that, that's beautiful. We, I mean, we love that. That's honestly one of the more gratifying things about doing what we do. And so, yeah, we have that. And then there's also master practitioner. So, so level two is the next seven day, and we do that in February every year.
Alex Golden [01:29:28]:
So there's just one round and people join us for that. And so lots of ways to get at it, depending on what you're looking for, what you came here. But one fast way to get at it, just email supportecomingzusty.com and we do will, you know, we'll help you figure out what's, what's best. Well, we hop on the phone with people, especially as they head towards being like, I think I want to do level one, level two, because I really am serious about persuasion impacting the planet. You know, we'll hop on the phone and we'll have a discussion because we really, it's not necessarily for everyone. We want to work with the people who are serious about being who they say they are. And of course, that means different things for different people. Sometimes just, of course, you know, you can lead your surrounding community, your family.
Alex Golden [01:30:25]:
That is what that looks like. But, you know, it's easy to say you want to help, but do you mean it? And that's how that goes.
Jessica Osborn [01:30:38]:
Oh, that's amazing. Thank you so much. We'll make sure that we've got all of those links in the show notes so that you can check out the seven day course, the essentials, maybe the in person retreats. They sound amazing. And the practitioner's course, too. So many things that you're doing. I'm literally like, wow, you guys are incredible. So inspiring.
Jessica Osborn [01:30:58]:
Thank you for being so generous with your time today. Alex. I think that we could. There's so many questions. I think.
Alex Golden [01:31:04]:
I know. I'm long winded. More often than not, we have two or three part podcast interviews with people because they're like, oh, let's just continue this at a later point. Really good. Where we can go on forever, honestly. And actually, I will say, Jessica. So one of the things that we do is that anyone with a podcast, we do want to help support people's growth, right? So what we will say is that if anybody from your audience posts a review for your podcast and screenshots that and sends it over to us, supportecommingsesty.com, we will give you a free ticket to our two day. So, you know, you were incentivized to, if you found this podcast helpful, you can help Jessica out.
Alex Golden [01:31:50]:
We'll give you a free ticket. So thank you for having me on here. We really appreciate it. We, you know, if you're ever in the US, we got you. You got a free ticket, too. But essentially, yeah, we will. People who are doing the right stuff, let's go. Like, the world needs us.
Alex Golden [01:32:09]:
And the time. The time's here. The time to get goings now.
Jessica Osborn [01:32:14]:
Yeah. Oh, that's incredible. Thank you so much. What a generous offer. Like, literally, dropping a review takes so, like, 30 seconds. You know, it's just so easy to do. And to get yourself a ticket to their two day event. Wow.
Jessica Osborn [01:32:30]:
Incredible. That's just amazingly generous.
Alex Golden [01:32:32]:
Absolutely. Yeah. No problem. We really care about the leader. It's hard, right? Like, you know what I'm talking about. It's hard doing this stuff and leading the world and getting to know yourself. And so that's cool. That's really what we're about.
Alex Golden [01:32:48]:
Because if we can help somebody, and they can help somebody and they can help it all be better, and then definitely come swing by if you're ever wanting an infusion of these ideas. We have 19 seasons on our podcast, becoming zesty pretty much wherever you listen to podcasts. And so we're always coming out with podcast episodes. And so if you need a community of leaders, just borrow ours until you create or join your own and come on over and you can infuse your mind and yourself with those concepts and get going right away. You don't have to pay plenty of free stuff out there.
Jessica Osborn [01:33:32]:
Amazing. So generous. And thank you. I think, you know, this has just been a really illuminating episode. You may have to listen to it twice just because there's been so much downloaded in there. So thank you so much, Alex and I know that we'll talk soon.
Alex Golden [01:33:48]:
Yeah, thank you.
Jessica Osborn [01:33:50]:
Isn't it just so frustrating when you know that out there, there are so many people, people that actually need your help and there's many actively looking for somebody just like you, yet all you seem to attract are the odd tire kicker or really uncommitted client that's kind of dabbling and they don't light you up. They really don't get great results. And you're thinking, what does it actually take to attract clients who are committed, who are happy to pay proper prices for what it is that I do and that I can help to have really great results. What is it going to take? Well, it's not in the activity of what you're doing. Here's the thing. It's usually something else that's a bit deeper, and I'm sharing with you what that is. In my training, it's called five keys to premium paying clients. And I'm going to share with you.
Jessica Osborn [01:34:44]:
What are these five things that you need to have in your, your strategy so that no matter what tactic or activity you choose to do, it actually works like it works. You attract the right clients, the ones who are ready to work with you, the ones who are ready to pay and sign up. So get yourself over to my website now on jessicaosborne.com tmf. Register for this free class and let's dive right in once again, that's jessicaosborne.com TMF and the link is below in the show notes as well. I encourage you to register now. Allocate just over an hour of your time, maybe up to an hour and a half, so you can take some notes and really reflect on the things that I share with you in this class. And let's change your year. This year.
Jessica Osborn [01:35:34]:
Let's make your business actually turn into your dream business together.
